The last time I can remember being myself and knowing who exactly that was, I was 11 years old. For the most part, my childhood was a happy one, and I had known by the age of 7 that I possessed a much deeper spiritual side than most people. I seemed to effortlessly understand things about people and about life in general in such a way that I can only describe as complete innocence. With that innocence came unconditional trust in human nature, which became my downfall as “life” began to happen to me with each passing year.
Skip ahead 32 years and here I am at the age of 43, and I’ve been beaten down and broken to the very core of my being for so long that I have forgotten who I was. I no longer feel comfortable in my own skin and the world around me terrifies me to an unhealthy level of social anxiety. Yet there has always been a “spark” deep inside of me that’s never completely gone out…and in the past couple of years, that “spark” has ignited into a tiny flame that is slowly but surely growing into the fire that used to reside in my soul.
This blog is to help me along on my journey of finding that innocent little girl that I used to be. I am on a quest to find “me” again. I have been experiencing revelations in my spiritual growth that are bringing me closer and closer to remembering “who I truly am” for quite some time now. The problem is, that my memory isn’t like it used to be, and the boost of strength I get from each revelation based on my observations is limited and fleeting because of my short-term memory impairment. My plan is to keep this web journal so that I can remember everything that comes to mind, and help me figure out things about my past and how they all relateto my present circumstances as well as my current frame of mind… I’ve honestly grown so much in the past year that it makes me sad to think that I won’t retain the lessons I’ve already learned, and scared to think that I may go right back to the “old habits” and the “old way of thinking.” My goal is to grow as a person, get back to “who I used to be,” find my way back to God, and just be open in my heart and mind to love the people who matter most to me, with ALL of my heart and soul — with no baggage attached. Like I used to do when I was a little girl… No distractions, no foulness, and no strings… Just ME.
If there is anyone else out there who is also on a personal quest to rediscover who they really are, they are more than welcome to keep tabs on me and my journey for comparison’s sake. If we have experiences in common, then please let me know! I can use all the help I can get…